X-MEN’s Mystique Sells You The Carl’s Jr. X-Tra Bacon Thickburger

Evan has seen a lot of bad things. This isn't the worst, but it's way up there.

Once upon a time, Mystique was out doing her thing, and she suddenly got hungry. Not being a fool, she drove right past McDonalds and Burger King, and parked her Mystiquemobile at Carl's Jr. (also known as Hardees, I think).

Obviously, Mystique was deeply familiar with Carl's Jr.'s meal offerings, but on that day something new caught her eye: The Western X-Tra Bacon Thickburger. An avowed fan of all four of those words, and lured by the photo of a super thick burger patty sandwiched between onion rings and several strips of luscious bacon, not even a direct order from Magneto could keep her from purchasing one for lunch.

But as Mystique raised this hefty sandwich to her face, she felt something amiss. A dainty, naked lady, no matter how blue in complexion, would not be seen in public eating such a meal. So she used her mutant powers to transform herself into a studly fireman and took a healthy bite. She then pulled off a small sampling of bacon, and as she bit into it thought, "Fuck it. I gotta be me," and transformed back into her normal self. If only all of us could be so strong.

X-Men: Days of Future Past opens May 23. Carl's Jr. opens at 6am.