Uh, Robert Pattinson Might be as Awesome as Your Mom Always Said He Was

The first COSMOPOLIS teaser is out, and it's far more insane than we deserve.

As if 2012 weren't already shaping up to be a killer year, recently boring David Cronenberg will be adding a surprisingly severe dose of old school Cronenbergian weirdness to this year's embarrassment of riches. Starring Twilight meat and based on a book by the kind of author people often lie about reading, Cosmopolis was already a huge question mark before the release of this first teaser. Now it's a question mark paired with an exclamation point.

Eye stabbings, car pissings and self-inflicted gunshots to the palm pretty much invalidate any lingering Robert Pattinson hate - regardless of whether the movie is good or not. If it is as good as it looks, however, this could be the film that finally bridges the frayed relationship between you and your Twilight-obsessed stepmother. Either way, it looks like something extremely abnormal and exciting is headed our way, especially for those poor souls who think eXistenZ was the last good Cronenberg film.